Sunday, April 17, 2011

New way to Tap that made me pretty happy!

I stumbled this week, hard. Actually as I write those words I realize that it was coming for a couple of days before it happened. I have been stewing on all this information that is flooding toward me faster than I can handle. I asked for help in a very passionate way and the universe has certainly delivered, I think I overloaded my brain frankly. I fucking fell apart for a couple of days. I cried and raged and pretty basically thru a colossal tantrum. As I put that thought into actual words the truth of it rang clear inside me and I was suddenly able to forgive myself and even laugh a bit at myself for something so small. It is amazing how I am being shown even my own self. I also made a mistake in not continuing to watch the secret if not daily at least frequently. I got caught up in Meridian EFT Tapping, the zeitgeist shit, and then sons of anarchy (good show but very violent and negative so not good for me right this second) and weeds (same thing kinda), and I a little bit got lost from the message of the great secret. I have it on now as I write this and the goodness and truth of its message are washing over me and cleansing me of the negative thoughts I have allowed to build up in me over the last few days. I need to get back on track. But I have to remember this is all new and I still am learning, growing and getting stronger. I need to keep these teachers around me till I am a bit more steady on my spiritual legs so to speak. Right this moment I am doing all of this work alone. I am doing the tapping alone with only articles and videos to guide me, and it is helping but I cant help but wonder if I had proper guidance in the journey would I be doing better? Or an I doing it exactly as I need to for me? I am gonna concentrate that the latter is true and accept guidance where I find it. I know that I feel stronger everyday thru my eft meridian tapping exercises, and as they get more specific and I uncover new things with it, what I have noticed most though is that I don’t trust myself. I am pretty sure that has been a learned attitude toward myself thru out my life, and I am working to discover as many of those times and feelings as I am able to so I can release them and their control over me and my thoughts. I am done living this stunted and frightened way. I am sick of being afraid by everything, of simply being afraid to live. I don’t want, nor will I just sit here and wait to die anymore. I am so mad that I have been doing that. I have to get that put in the right order in my head if I am gonna get past this. I have to embrace me and forget the lessons I have learned that have taught me to hate and mistrust myself.

     The above paragraph was written on Thursday this week and when I began to think that I would like a bit more guidance in my tapping I found a new tapping site and technique that I like a lot more than the style I was using. Let me get you a link…  tapping and I really like how it gets your whole brain involved. It really works much better for me. There are a lot of vids for it too and he doesn’t say okay now if you want to really know how to do it buy this video or go to our meetings. He just obviously wants to help I like that. He plainly says on his site that he gives these videos away free on his site because he wants to help as many people as he can with this. He has a book sure and I know he has personal sessions too but that doesn’t negate how he is trying to help people with these extremely detailed videos that take you fully thru the tapping process and help you center yourself and work thru your emotions. Its amazing He is a great teacher. I am so blessed to have found him. 
     Reconditioning my brain to love me is pretty hard work. Not in the sense that its work I cant do but its extremely tiring. Today (Sunday) I spent the morning doing some self acceptance tapping and after an hour and a half I was so exhausted I had to lay down for 45 minutes. I feel into such a deep sleep I woke up so refreshed and I still feel amazing hours later. I know there is still work to do and sure it may make me tired, but damn it tired is a lot better than panicked hatred for myself and I can take a nap! I also really let myself start to think too big sometimes. I have always done that. I get all worked up thinking about things I could never change on my own and start to think how could I possibly deserve to be happy if _________. You fill in the blank there are thousands of reasons to not be happy. Its stupid to use them as excuses and I am really starting to get that now. My unhappiness doesn’t feed anyone or clothe anyone. My unhappiness cant love anyone and I cant love anyone when I hate me and am unhappy. I am much more able to make any kind of difference just by being good to me and damn it, I do deserve it. If you are reading this I hope that you understand that you do too. I hope that if you are struggling in anyway you understand that these tools are here for you too. You called this to you and there is a reason for that. Don’t ignore that! Love to you Reader! XOXO J

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