The Law of Attraction Learning Curve.

     Hello Reader, last time we were together I talked to you about learning to recognize how you use the Law of Attraction (LoA) whether you want to or not, and how much living in a negative state of mind creates exactly that experience in your life. Once you have allowed yourself to accept that you can begin to shift that paradigm, or way of thinking, and change your experience. You hear a lot about “positive thinking” when you first start exploring the LoA and begin searching for tools to assist you in your journey and that is all well and good, but if you don’t change your paradigm, your thought foundation, all you are doing is putting a happy face on a hopeless one, and to quote one of my favorite teachers Hale Dwoskin, “That never changed anything.“ With out doing the ground work you need to BE a happy person instead of pretending that you are one, you will likely alienate yourself away from that which you need the most.

　

     What I have found to be true as I continue to work on my thinking, is that I must keep at it constantly, negative thoughts are a habit that needs to be broken much like a smoker must get past the habitual grabbing for a cigarette. It is a learned behavior, and you can unlearn it. As much as you may want to take a break and let yourself “relax” into old habits you cant indulge in that type of thing. Allowing a negative thought to blossom is only inviting more of the same. If you have spent all day working on your attitude and you slip into negativity it is very important that you recognize that, notice it as the opportunity that it is to grow in this moment. Be grateful for each of your negative thoughts, because they are only there to allow you to change, to show you that you have something that needs to be let go. Like anything there is a learning curve with the LoA, and when you are talking about learning skills that can change your life, it can be easy to put too much pressure on yourself. You have to keep at it that is true, but something else Hale says is “to be easy on yourself” and he is right. You have been practicing your current way of life for a long time, and your current reality has a certain momentum, so if you just applied the brakes give yourself a chance to slow down.

     For most of us changing our paradigm is not something that is going to happen over night. I know that has been the case with me. It is something I continue to work on every moment of every day. I am always exploring new paths, new teachers and new tools to use in my journey to self discovery, and its very important to understand that just like any new skill its going to take time to get the hang of it, and practice to master it. You may need to spend some time finding just the right tools for the job at hand or you may get lucky with your first selection. Whatever the case don’t give up. The reward is you. Your true powerful self. And that is a beautiful thing.

Meditations, Visualizations, and Manifestations OH MY

What you are the world is. And without your transformation, there can be no transformation of the world. ♥ J. Krishnamurti

                                                                       ஜ۩۞۩ஜ

     Hello Reader, had a pretty fantastic day today, and that is considering that I still don’t have a working computer, Thank God for a sweet friend or I would be writing long hand, and I wouldn’t be posting much for you. However, not having the distraction of my computer has left a bit more time for me to explore meditation so maybe the universe had something in mind, in addition to manifesting another computer. Hmmm. Well in any case. I have not had the same deep incredible experience like I did the first time I accidentally did it. I think I am just trying to hard to repeat that experience. I have done a bit of searching and I found a few good videos on youtube and am really utilizing them but I am going to start looking around for some DVDs and books. The main thing is that I am enjoying it and I am with each attempt at it getting deeper and more still. Also the more I do it the more I am interested in it and want to learn more about types of meditation as well as the history of it. Please leave me a comment if you have any advice or recommendations.

     I also had a bit of a realization today (and you know I love those), when I am releasing I am usually very visual. I have many little images that come to mind when I am letting something go. A flower blooming, a hand, door, or window opening, the Red Man throwing thoughts out of my brain (I love that image) or one of my favorites which comes from something Hale Dwoskin says a lot in Sedonathru me but I am facing the flow and it is flowing out behind me. I realized today I had that backwards. I kept noticing this tension in my throat, not my neck, my throat like a choking feeling. I kept trying to meditate because I thought it was my chakras out of alignment, and that is probably true to a certain extent, but that wasn’t it, it was the flow. I was trying to keep the flow of goodness inside me instead of letting it flow thru me. When that thought hit me I had this vision, I saw energy as light flowing to me but from behind me actually propelling me forward as it flowed through me (pushed me). As it flowed it lit my entire being and then burst out of me in all these tiny brilliantly colored rays of light that then shone out and away from me and into the world and the universe permeating everything and everyone. Instantly my throat relaxed and I became the energy outlet that I needed to be.

     If there is one thing that I would want you to take away from my blog about visualizations Reader, its this; They are fun, and they are powerful, but with out emotion and action backing them up they aren’t much more than nice little movies in your head. You will never get anything from them but frustration and confusion. You will never understand that you are in control of your life until you take control. Please always keep in mind that you are a conduit, not a receptacle, for the flow of energy in this universe, and if you remember that one important thing, you allow possibility into your life. I promise you it feels wonderful.

     One last word before I go Reader, the people, things and energy that flow into your life will sometimes stay and sometimes they will only visit, but that is only you doing the job the universe needs you to do. Open to it. What you do for yourself you do for everyone.

　
Thanks for riding along,
Jammy

The Secret, Sedona, and Quantum Theory.

     Hi Reader, I mentioned yesterday in my blog posting I have been doing a lot of forcing my brain to change its way of thinking, and I know its working. A friend of mine Dean said something to the Facebook group we belong to the other day about how your ego will scream the loudest before it lets go. Well I woke up sick again last night, and actually as hard as I tried to release it throughout the day I am still left with a vague feeling of nausea. I woke up because I was trying to release the feeling of it in my sleep, and I at first I thought I was having a panic attack the feeling was so similar. I joked to my mom this morning that my evil is coming out, and I don’t mean evil in literal terms but I think that it is my negativity finally releasing from me and letting go. Even with the nausea I am more calm than I have ever been in my life.

     The tools I have found since watching The Secret and opening up to possibility have enabled me to leave that place I used to live inside me. That place of darkness and tears, of desperation and fear. I have learned that within me, within us all is this amazing and wonderful ability to open up to the universe, to open up and receive the gifts that are already inside us. Its not only the Sedona Method, The Secret, or any other book or program that allows me to recognize this power inside me to create my universe. I see the evidence in my daily life, and in me, and that gives me the strength to keep going, keep releasing, keep pushing myself, even when I am tired and I don’t want to think anymore. I see the changes in the people I meet, the opportunities that come my way, the love I am receiving. Being able to release the beliefs about myself and the world have allowed me to cast off the shackles that bound me in that dark and scary place. I have found within me this amazing energy, I am finally becoming aware of my true nature, my true self. I am able to understand that self was always there waiting for a chance to shine, a chance to live. Giving myself permission to do so has put me into a flow of things that I never imagined existed.

     That flow led me this week, as I mentioned yesterday, toward Quantum Physics and Theory, and Unified Field String Theory (the theory of everything). First I admit the math is something I just don’t understand, those equations are like a foreign language to me. Thank God there are so many people in that field, such as Fred Alan Wolf PhD, and John Hagelin PhD of The Secret, willing to share the information with us in a way we can understand. The more I learn about it the more I am beginning to understand how much it reinforces the Law of Attraction, and the more I want to know.

     So basically the theory goes like this: There is this formless intelligent consciousness (or God) that exists everywhere. Inside that consciousness these tiny strings begin to vibrate (remind you of anything?) and as they do they rise out of this “stuff” into forms, or holograms. Yes Holograms! The thinking is that this world is only real because we perceive it to be, like atoms which are waves until you look at them when they become like particles. We are merely expressions of this intelligent consciousness, which is perfect oneness and expresses individuality through us. So just like Lisa Nichols in The Secret says, “we are God manifested in human form” When you start to see the world that way it is very hard to hold on to old ways of thinking. It becomes much harder to judge hate and blame. When you view everything like this you see it as only an extension of yourself, and you can begin to allow people to be who they are, which is really just you expressing yourself in a different way. Wow.

     This week I finished the relationship part of Sedona (one part left) started The MasterKey System, began meditating and, learned (a bit) about quantum physics, mix in constant releasing and self reflection and yeah, you can understand my brain is tired. I have heard many people refer to the life we live as a ride, like a rollercoaster. I really rode life this week, Reader, I hope you did too.

Jammy

Manifesting so fast my head spun.

     Hello Reader, I have manifested a lot of information in the last week or so, and of course I didn’t take things slow I plowed through and overloaded my brain. So much so that I made myself a little sick today, waking up with a messed up tummy (I wont go into details). As I mentioned in my last posting my brain has struggled a bit to stay in its old thought process and has thrown up a few walls for me to knock down. I saw this mornings episode as more of the same, and you know as soon as I began to see it that way I started to feel better. Only an hour ago I was sitting here wondering what made me sick and now I am showered, dressed, and on with my day. Realizations do make a difference.

     Something else that has made a difference is finishing the Effortless Relationship part of the Sedona Method (cds 12-15) last week. Even though this part of the method is about your relationships with others, it is ultimately the relationship with self that I ended up repairing the most. This part of the method is very much like the wealth and success part, you begin by defining a goal (one at a time) and then focus on it and release from all sides getting down to the four basic human wants, control, security, approval, and oneness (and their opposites). You go thru disapproval/approval, likes/dislikes, as well as letting go on trying to control other people’s experiences, which we all want to do but never can.

     You then move into a part that turned out to be very powerful for me. That part is releasing on right and wrong, and getting past the idea that there even is a right or wrong in the first place, and moving into acceptance where you can just allow others to be themselves, and allowing you to be you. Getting into the Beliefs section of the work was very powerful for me as well. Just like anything else you can hold on to negative, untrue, damaging beliefs about relationships, people, and yourself, identifying them and releasing is a very important step in learning to create your life. You can’t create anything good from a place of fear, and really how many negative beliefs do you have that don’t upon deeper reflection stem from that fearful place. So basically if you want changes in your life the changes have to come from within. If you need more peace and love be peaceful and loving. Want less judgment and anger in your life, don’t be judgmental or angry.


     I have found this to be very true in my life, and I can give you a good example from yesterday. My neighbors were outside getting out of control with the noise and I kept putting my focus on them. Every time I focused on them they got louder. Then all of a sudden my whole being just went DING and I switched my focus. I put on some soft and beautiful music and started to just relax into the sounds, I put my eyes on this little light that glows on my modem, and I just focused on feeling good and loving, and then everything changed very suddenly. Seriously it took a little more than the length of a song for them to go inside their apartment and be quiet. It was really amazing to see that power show itself so clearly in my life.

     Some other things came my way this week in the way of information, helping me overload my brain. First I started reading the week one information of The Master Key System, not sure what made me want to start it at that moment but I didn’t fight it. I also found myself surrounded by references, shows, movies, and videos about quantum physics. Really so much that I couldn’t ignore it, and its amazing how much quantum theories remind me of the Law of Attraction, but that is a whole different blog post. Reader I hope you are pushing yourself in your quest for self discovery and acceptance. There are so many wonderful tools out there to use that can help you and I will continue to tell you about the ones I find. Please leave a comment and let us all know what is working (or not working) for you too. Thanks for joining me on this journey Reader.

Jammy

Control, Fear, and the Law of Attraction.

     Hello there Reader, I have spent the last few days in a constant state of self reflection, alternating with massive releasing sessions. I am exhausted and renewed. I have had a lot of realizations, left behind many old limiting beliefs and emotions that have been holding me back, and gained a new found sense of my place in the universe. Not too bad for a few days work.

     One of the things that I have come to understand is how much I want to control everything, and I do mean everything. In the past my lack of control would cause in me constant fear and panic. My panic attacks were something that increasingly kept me in my house and away from the world. I did a lot of my releasing the last couple of days on just that very thing. You see, its my brain, its so used to living in fear that it hasn’t wanted to give it up. It is taking some seriously diligent work on my part to change that, in fact today I think I meditated for the first time by accident stopping a panic attack that was trying to start. I sat directly in the middle of my bed as I felt myself begin to feel fear. I just started at the top of my head thinking about my chakras as I went deeper and deeper inside me. I don’t remember everything but I know that I stopped hearing anything outside of me and I wasn’t aware of anything but me. It was so intense and I have never felt so calm in my life. I loved it. It wasn’t long after that though that I had to leave the house. While I was gone two things happened.

     The first one was while I taking my dog to the groomers for her haircut. I was driving along when all of a sudden I could see Fear in my mind as a wall that was blocking me from seeing the most beautiful valley that lay behind it, The Valley of All Possibilities. I swear as soon as I pictured it I saw a tiny me inside…(the red man?) start kicking that wall down the rubble blowing away from me with every kick. When the wall fell I could see a tiny bit of the Valley beyond, there were more walls, more fears, but they started to fall almost as soon as I saw them and more and more of that beautiful valley was opened up to me. It was pretty clear that my fear instead of protecting me from anything has in fact been robbing me of all the possibility and beauty in life. I have let it has diminished me for far to long.

     The second one came a little later, on the ride home while I was listening to music on my phone and all of a sudden one of the parts from a Sedona Method CD came on and Hale Dwoskin started to speak to me about beliefs. He was speaking about how we hold on to beliefs like they are the thing the belief is about. Like believing a thing makes it happen or makes it true. He used for an example the word water. He said people believe the word water is wet, but you can say water all day long and still be thirsty. I could see in my head a guy sitting on the couch saying over and over the word water while a pitcher of water is sitting right next to him. Rather than pick up the water and have it he just sat there believing it he could have it. Hale asks during the recording “Would you rather believe you have a thing or have it?” It also reminds me a lot of what Joe Vitale said in his book, Attract Money Now, about action steps. I know its really nice to sit around visualizing and whatnot but without taking actions no amount of visualizing will change anything. Its like believing you can have your pants on doesn’t take you across the room and put them on for you. Its just one more example of how the law of attraction is not a magic wand. It does take some effort on your part, and for most of us that means first making an effort to change how you see, and feel about yourself, and maybe even the world.

     Reader if you take nothing from my blog, even if you think the Law of Attraction is bogus hocus pocus (as if you have never seen a magnet in your life), I hope you take from it the desire to grow, to love yourself, and to share that love with the world. It is the only way we will ever change anything.

Thanks for joining me on this Journey Reader
Jammy

Oh Reader, I haven't forgotten my promise to write about the last section of Sedona. I am working on it. Love Ya!

What the Law of Attraction means to me.

     In a word, Everything. There is a trend in the movement to place too much importance on money, and that dilutes the message for me a tiny bit. Now don’t misunderstand me, I enjoy the benefits of having money and I am attracting more of the green stuff in my life as we speak. Everyday the flow of good things in my life increases from a trickle, to a stream, into a river, which is flowing to me from the ocean that is abundance, and that certainly includes money. However it is not my only focus in my conscious attractions, it is hardly the first thing I received by using the law, and I would not be able to attract it at all if I hadn’t first attracted the tools I am using to be a better, more loving me.

     So much of what you hear about the Law of Attraction is centered only around money, and most of the people you hear talk about what they attracted, or want to attract is money. When you explain to them that what you have attracted so far is love, information, or tools to grow as a person and enjoy a sense of self worth, they dismiss you because they don’t realize that those things are so much more important than any dollar ever will be, and in fact they lay the foundation from which all good attracting is done. They don't realize that until you can attract the tools you need to have that strong foundation, nothing you attract will have any strength or ever last. Think about it, how many examples of that have you heard of, or maybe you know someone who attracted a fortune, or house, maybe a car only to lose it because the foundation they attracted it from was crumbling?

     Money is a result of using the law of attraction correctly, but not the main goal for me. It really is all about your perceptions. If you put yourself in the flow of feeling good, all the things you perceive to be good will flow to you. If you see money as inherently evil or bad no matter what your intentions with regards to it you wont attract it if you cant see it as good. At its core the Law of Attraction is about Love. You have to learn to love the things you want and realize that they love you just as much, and you can never do that with out having a strong foundation of loving you.

     Just like in any movement there are people in it that are using it for selfish purposes, and I cant emphasize more that there is zero selfishness in the real Law of Attraction. People will use the catch phrases to confuse you and convince you that you want what they are selling. This is where that foundation of loving yourself is going to serve you the most, to cut through the shysters and con people who have no real understanding of the Law of Attraction, let your inner voice guide you. There are so many good books and movies and programs out there that will teach you all about the movement, but the real test is joy. If what ever you are doing isn’t bring you joy, they you aren’t doing the right thing. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise.

     So what does the Law of Attraction mean to me. It means Joy, Love, Gratitude, and living within the flow of good things, and you Reader are only one of those for me. I invite you to explore all the tools available to bring you to that place of love and joy. I can tell you that my work in the Sedona Method (see affiliate page) has given me joy and knowledge of myself in a way that I have never had or imagined. I haven’t written much about my work with it this week because I hit a bit of a snag. I will be posting about that soon I promise. In the mean time Reader, what have you done to get started on your own journey of self discovery? Leave me a comment and let me know what tools you have used or if you have found any of mine useful. Your feedback is the gas in my blogger engine. I love you.

Thanks for riding along
Jammy

Mastering the Law of Attraction in my life.

     Hello Reader, its been more than a week since my last post, but I was thinking about you so I wanted to post something. I was also thinking about how I have The Law of Attraction working so beautifully in my life now, its so much better than attracting without knowing it.

     I know I have told you quite a bit about the work I have done while I have been listening to the cds of the Sedona Method, but I am not sure if I have at all mentioned how much it has become a part of my every day moment to moment life, or how immensely it has changed my way of living. My mornings used to be terror filled, and my days were spent dreading anything that took me out of the tiny existence I had created for myself. I lived in constant fear, want, and scarcity. If that wasn’t enough I constantly berated myself in ways that if I were to see someone on the street talking to anyone that way I would have to stop and say something. I mean I was just awful. No one should ever live that way.

     That way of being for me was not so long ago. Its funny, just writing about it my brain was like, “Oh Goody! The Old Ways!” and I quickly did a few releases to remind it we don’t live like that anymore. Yes I just said we. I have started to kind of think of me as what is in this body and this body as something controlled by me, and that is where I tend to say “we”, if that makes sense to you.

What have I manifested?

• The movie The Secret. First thing I know for sure I asked for and got in this whole process
• Tapping.com and The Tapping Solution
• The Sedona Method (free from a friend)
• Money
• Amazing Friends
• YOU, yes I mean YOU.

     I am so happy and grateful to I have learned and continue to be mastering the ability to create my life as I see fit. I hope you are doing the same Reader. Its wonderful to step into the flow of everything. I hope you try the tools I have found, or find the ones that work for you. Manifest the life you want. Just like I manifested you in my life. I am so grateful to have your energy here to flow with mine and carry my message with you, and out to the world. Thank you, I love you.

Jammy

Getting to the nitty gritty.

     Hello there Reader, I haven’t posted in a few days, I know, but I am going to listen to more Sedona tonight and wanted to touch base with you before I do so. I have been working hard on how much I want approval the last couple of days. I have been releasing about it nearly nonstop. With every release a different face, or situation comes to my mind, a lot of them more than once of course, but with each emergence there is less substance to each one, they have less of a hold on me. In the end, as is usually the case, it was really finally about me approving myself. I feel like I have gotten to a new level of me, and I am open to having more to do but also grateful to be where I am now. Let me explain.

     It took time for me to finally get to the truth of it, and I would imagine its not that much different for most everyone else, but it caused me a good deal of shame to realize that what I wanted was to be special, be better. Yes, better than everyone else. It sounds just awful to say it out loud, but it is true. I am sure sometimes even you feel that way don’t you? I can tell you that the second I admitted that I felt that way, I felt another shift in my brain. I was able to release that desire to be better than anyone, and get even deeper into the understanding that I am exactly the same as you. As everyone else. EXACTLY. Maybe we are on different paths, or on different parts of our journey but we are the same none the less. Figuring this out allowed me to open up in a new way to loving myself and accepting myself. It felt, like I was flying, that I had allowed me to enter into a space where I can be better, better than the me I was before. That is the only better that will ever make a difference, it’s the only better any of us can ever be. It can be difficult to look at your motivations honestly but doing so is the heart of this work, and I am grateful for every opportunity to become more.

     I have mentioned to you a couple times now how I am feeling my brain move, or change, or something. I am not sure what that brain feeling is, but I do love it. I have thought about it though. Is it a new brain pathway forming? Is it me settling into myself more? Is it my thoughts expanding? I don’t know. It just sort of feels like a shifting more than anything else. I only know it means I am changing. I know it means I am growing and that is enough for me. When I wonder about that too much I totally hear Hale saying, “Are you trying to figure it out?” That makes me smile, and I remember to let go trying figure it out. I can I hear his voice a lot these days and every time I do it gently reminds me to be good to myself and remember that I have spent a really long time learning to live an awful stunted life. Changing that will take the rest of my days. I am quite excited.

     Reader before I go and get back to the job at hand I want to take a moment and Thank You. Your comments, tweets, emails, & facebook messages have been beyond amazing. Your love and support and encouragement are such a fantastic surprise and reflection of the law of attraction for me and I hope that in some way I am able to give that back to you. I hope you always remember to be nice to yourself Reader, I have learned how destructive it is to be mean to yourself, and if you take anything away from my blog I hope it is to show yourself loving respect. I am so grateful for you, and I love you so much. Sharing my road with you is my passion, and I am so happy to have you on the journey. Never hesitate to contact me. I love to hear from you and read and respond to everything I get.

Thanks xoxo
Jammy

Going through some real changes.

     Hello again Reader, thanks for stopping by. I am officially half way through the cds of The Sedona Method, which puts me at the end of the Effortless Wealth and Success part of the program. I will be starting on relationships next, I am thinking tomorrow. I had some amazing things happen to me last night and frankly I want to share a bit with you, release some more, and just enjoy where I am now.

     Thursday I listened to CD nine, which was very much in the same vein as the previous Wealth cds, continuing to take things deeper with each cd, each release. It was very much centered around making goals, making sub goals and releasing on the inner core reason that you want the goal, whatever that goal is. This cd got very much into the holistic way of releasing where you go back and forth on an issue, such as releasing on scarcity then on the opposite which would be abundance. Each release getting closer and closer to the basic question, would you rather want, or have. There was also some releasing on needing to be do or have something to be complete, and on not wanting to be where you are. Accepting that you are complete, whole and perfect in this moment, in this place. 

     Then last night I got started with cds 10 and 11, the last two left in the money cds, & I admit to thinking "I will bang these two out..." and to a degree I supposed that is correct if you are measuring in time. I am not, I cant. I have never in my life experienced anything like what happened to me last night. I have never felt so free or so grateful.

     At the beginning of cd 10 Hale guides you in some advantage/disadvantage releasing. Which is very much what you would think it is, with the exception that you aren't making a list so much as just going back and forth like other holistic releases. Hale even points out that if you don't feel anything on one side or another then just release on that too. I was releasing on several things for this really, writing a book, my blog, my readers, money. This process is great for a lot of things like making decisions, clearing up your goals, and letting go of your problems (or your perception of problems). It is also really important that you phrase your problems in the past tense and your decisions or goals in the present tense, because it is all about putting yourself in the space of having not wanting. At this point that was still only a concept in my mind, but I felt something nagging. I had been telling my brain and asking God to push my thought process over that proverbial speed bump, and it felt like I was getting close to something.

     Around this point Hale led his group through a release on being hard on yourself, and I felt my throat start to tighten. I have been giving myself a hard time about this work because it hasn't been harder. So hearing Hale talk about that was one more time where it was like he was reading my mind. It was perfect timing. He takes you from here straight into some releasing on wanting to be right. Just writing about this, my face gets a tiny bit hot thinking how strong my feelings of wanting to be right were as we did the release. As you let go of wanting to be right or the opposite of that, he tells you to be open to a solution beyond right or wrong and it was like inside me I could see a spotlight snap on in the distance and in that spot light is the real true unmasked me. I literally started shaking it was so clear, so real. I could tell that in that spot light was the space of having and when I step into that I will want no more. I knew I was getting closer to something... something real.

     Then it was time for cd 11, Hale is talking to his group at the start of this cd and he asks the group to shout out to him negative beliefs they have about money. Its time to do a Beliefs Process. Hale has mentioned this a couple times but we haven't don't it yet so I got a bit excited. Maybe it was a premonition? A beliefs process is just exactly what it sounds like. You release on a negative belief you have, in this case about money. For me those beliefs are similar to what most people yelled out, I don't deserve it, makes me greedy to want it, selfish, there isn't enough, would make me happy, gives security. So we started to release. This is where I started to change.

     At first it seemed pretty much like any other releasing, I was feeling the emotions and the beliefs start to float away from me, Hale was just leading release after release and I remember I thought "I am not lucky" at some point, and started to release on that. As I did that, I felt something move in my head. I don't mean I felt myself have a thought or something. I mean I felt something shift in my brain. I felt the processes of how I think change. I shifted the release a bit to security since my want for money stems from that mostly, and I just kept releasing on wanting to be secure, and all of a sudden I could see myself in a box. Outside living in a box. I was smiling I was happy and doing small domestic things in this vision. I was secure and happy and safe... in a box. I felt my brain move again, and I started to laugh and cry at the same time. I knew that security came from me not money. I knew I enjoyed my apartment more than a box, because it is more comfortable, but it didn't make me secure anymore than the box did. It wasn't the source of my joy anymore than the box was. I am my security. I am my happiness, and with every release a new awareness came over me and I knew that I had just stepped out of wanting, and into the spotlight of having.

     From here the rest of the cd was like a fog to me, I kept feeling myself expand with every release we did and as we got near the end and started to work on action steps and releasing on taking action to reach our goals, something that would have not too long ago terrified me I just had this still, peaceful feeling in my heart and brain that I can't ever remember feeling before that. I just kept writing down goals and ways to reach them and it wasn't like I was trying to think of anything, it was just there already. I already have it. I only need to open up and receive it.

     If you are struggling in a space of wanting, and I can tell you I lived there for a long time, that place is only in your head. You are in control and you can change the way you think. I can say that for certain. Just stay open inside and keep letting go. You will get there. We will get there together, Reader. I am so happy and grateful that you are along for the ride.
Jammy

A Law of Attraction Poem

     As I sit this morning drinking my coffee, enjoying the start of my day and allowing my mind to wander where it will, it strikes me as particularly funny how my brain is trying so hard maintain its old ways of thinking. It seriously makes me chuckle to think how cute my brain is, struggling so hard. I wrote this poem, enjoy.

                         ~~~
I am so grateful today.
My gifts are go grand
I open inside
And find the world in my hand
My joy in life is fresh and new
My eyes are open
I am done feeling blue
Thank you God for showing me my wings.
Thank you for my wealth, and all that brings.
                           ~~~

Thank you Reader, I love you
Jammy

Straight to the core.

     Hello Reader, that's right. It's time once again for a trip to Sedona with me, Jammy. This time around we visited the cd numbered 7, which is where we start to transition a bit from just releasing emotions and heading into making and releasing on goals. We also learn a new word coined by Lester, (the founder of SM) hootlessness. Hootlessness? Yes. We will get there I promise.

     What I love about cd seven is it stays with the work we just finished in the previous cds where you are getting to the root of a problem, or in this case a want/goal you have. Again like with the previous work what you end up getting down to with any problem, goal, want, is the same basic needs. Again those are, control, security, approval, and oneness (or separate for the opposite).

     What you are basically doing in this part of the method is identifying what it is you want, what that goal is, and then you write it down in the present tense. Read that to yourself and then welcome the first thing that comes to you. Identify it, which of the four is it? Welcome that and then release that (don't forget to come from both sides) and read your goal again. Keep doing it over and over till you get to the next stage which is courageousness, acceptance, or peace. Then as much as you don't want to, release that too. I know its still hard for me too. At the core of all that is where we get to "hootlessness" this is the space where you are best able to create whatever you want. From a place of happiness with or without something is the best place to receive it.

     Most programs will teach you the exact opposite of this but the law of attraction teaches us that the desperate wanting is damaging to the body mind connection. You cant create something you are holding tight with desperation. It must be released to give it strength.

     I have to say I really didn't want to share with you the first thing I wrote down to release on. I think that was a control thing so what I have decided is to go ahead and share. It is actually what I want and by holding it and not being honest about it is just another way of not releasing, and its only one of the things I wrote, so here goes. In cd 7 Hale says to write down something, a goal, or something you want. I want to win the lottery. I want to win a big one. Its not really a goal so much as something I want and it is financial and so I figured it kinda fit with the money cd and so I wrote this. I am grateful now that I have allowed myself to receive an insanely huge amount of money. The two things I felt the most were control and security with this one. but I admit to wanting to have approval and oneness as well. Which kind of surprised me. The approval was almost instantly when I thought of sharing here too. I didn't want to be judged for wanting to win the lottery. Really? As I thought that I realized how true, and how silly it was all at once. If people didn't want to win the lottery it wouldn't be still going. Hale even used someone releasing on receiving a large sum of money and then getting one, as an example so its not like no one did it before. The biggie to this one of course was security. I want security and what I ended up releasing on mostly was that. I still am a bit, actually, but I have to admit with every passing minute I can feel myself expanding, and as I do those feelings have less places to hold on to. It feels really good.

     If you have a goal you are working on Reader, one that you have held tight to you, maybe even kept secret? Try to release it instead. Let it go and see if you can' t manifest something fantastic. As always you can find more information on the Sedona Method Here, and as always Reader,

Thanks for riding along,
Jammy,

Back in Sedona using the Method.

     Hello again Reader. Thanks for stopping by, I love it when you do. I spent my weekend with Hale from SM coming out of my speakers, in the form of cds five and six. I usually only listen to one before I post a blog but cd 5 was so similar to 4 that I flowed right into six, it just felt like they all fit together.

     The work on both the cds really centers around four main points, recognizing them and letting them go. They are, wanting control, approval, security, and wanting to be one (or separate). At the core, the root of all that you desire in your life, you will find one of these four things. Like the work in cd 4 you also examine these core issues from both sides. So if you are working on control then you are dealing with the desire to control and be controlled. When we were releasing on control it was kind of hard for me to admit to myself that what I really wanted the most was to be controlled, taken care of, but once I did the need for it seemed to almost float away from me. Since then a few moments have manifested where I guess I needed to test myself? I don’t know but I left my lights on in my car and it wouldn’t start. Something like that would have in the past brought on a panic attack or at least anxiety. I got irritated but I just opened inside (like Hale says) and I remember thinking the next person I see will help me. Sure enough, he did. Ten minutes later I was on my way home. Smiling. I also have a broken computer. That would have normally had me freaking out, instead I just put my intentions out for a way to solve it and borrowed my friends computer in the mean time. Its true that your feelings affect how you react and how you function. I am functioning better everyday.
While I was listening to Hale talk about control, all of a sudden I could see all of us, humans, and we were floating on the earth like it’s a bubble. Some of us were just flowing with the currents in the surface of the bubble but some of us were just stuck in one place thrashing and fighting trying so hard to control the flow of the whole bubble. So busy thinking that their fruitless efforts mattered or made a difference, that they couldn’t even see they are the ones ruining the bubble for everyone. I felt a little silly to realize how much I am one of the ones thrashing around.

     The two wants I am struggling with the most in my life are approval and security. Even just writing that, gave me a tight feeling in my throat which means I have more releasing to do. I have done a lot of creating situations where I am either not feeling secure or I am being disapproved of. I think recognition on this one is half the battle for me, because even though my throat is a bit tight right now, it doesn’t compare to how strongly I have felt those wants before. Every time I ever thought about why I wanted a lot of money it was “so I never have to worry again.” I do seemed to have attracted to me the opposite of what I want so that the cd also focuses on wanting both sides is crucial for me here. I am glad to be conscious of the ways that I am creating this scenario so I am able to change it.

     Approval I am searching for, everywhere. It is getting easier everyday though to recognize that and release it. Some of the places that it is easy to get caught up in that are, Twitter, why did they stop following me? Or My Blog, Why did I not get more hits or comments? But just like struggling for security or control, by approving, or accepting myself I create the space where I am approved. The opposite of that though is what I have manifested most in the past, I can see now by stepping back a bit how I while wanting approval did the things that brought disapproval instead so it is important for me to release on both sides of that issue just like the others.

     Today I was talking to a friend about twitter and how some people just talk on twitter and some just advertise, and that I like to follow the ones who talk because the ones who just advertise have a manipulative energy. The second I said that I felt the energy in me shift. I felt my motivations shift. I felt a new level of tension leave my body. I started to become aware of many of the ways that I am manipulative. I am thankful for this opportunity to grow, its easy for my brain to try and slip back into old habits but becoming aware of it has made it easy for me to stop it when it starts to happen. 
     Reader, if you find yourself similarly stuck in an old way of thinking remember that you can easily release that by opening inside and examining the feeling and letting it go. Keep in mind emotions are not you and as a separate thing from you can be dismissed if you so desire.  If you are interested in this method you can get more information here, Sedona Method and as always Reader,

Thanks for riding along
Jammy

Last minute thoughts before I get back to Sedona.

     As I sit down today to listen to the next SM cd I felt restless and it occurred to me that maybe I had a few things I needed to get out of me a bit before I could move on. The LoA has tried to make itself known to me many times before. A couple of times I started to grasp it but most of the things you read about it are more the end result and less a how to on getting there, and I needed more tools to help me find the place that inside me that these people had found inside themselves. Frankly it made me feel like I was too stupid to get it, or not blessed by God enough to be gifted with it. Honestly I think that a lot of the people who write these types of books do so from a place of look at how awesome I am instead of look at how awesome you can be, here let me show you how. That is what I like so much about Joe Vitale, Bob Proctor, and Hale Dwoskin, they don’t point at themselves and say look at my greatness. They look at you and say here is your greatness. Take it. I feel like I am still taking baby steps on this path I have stepped on called self acceptance, but I am taking them. I keep reminding myself to congratulate the small steps as well as the big ones. I have to stop being so mad at myself for taking so long to find this path.

  
     All this time I have been searching, searching for something that once added to me would then make me whole and complete, when the exact opposite process of elimination of those things that aren’t me has been the right road to take the whole time. Not a diminishing but a removing. I have started to picture myself inside like a beautiful red rose, that has started to bloom. The rose keeps opening and opening, it never stops, and as the old petals drop way, the petals that don’t belong, a beautiful light deep in the center is slowly uncovered. Each petal that opens and eventually drops away is one more limiting belief that I am letting go, and the light is the true me deep inside. Each shaft of light that is revealed by the blooming is another aspect of me that has been pushed down, stunted, buried. Some of that was done by others and some by me. The tools I am using now to do this work come from many sources. But the work is mine. I am doing it. I am growing this beautiful garden of me. I am letting myself reach for the sun, and when I resist it I remember what I learned on SM resistance cd and release it and I try to remember to always thank God for another opportunity to grow and release my inner light. And to always be easy with myself.

    
     I was in the shower the other day, it was right after I got Joe’s book and joined the group on Facebook that started up around it. I was channeling this crazy, crazy energy and I all of a sudden I had this inspiration, and I opened my arms lifted my face and said, “God take my energy!” I kept saying it over and over, and the most amazing thing happened. I could feel my energy whoosh out of me and as it happened I realized that as fast as it was flowing from me it was also coming to me just as fast and just as strong, hell if I am totally honest it was way more. It was then that it became crystal clear to me that my energy is God’s energy. That what I give to him I receive back. It was the clearest most joyful moment I have ever experienced in my life. Every day I think I get a tiny bit closer to living like that every day.
    
     Before I go, in Joe’s book at the end of the chapters for each of the steps he gave us action steps to take. I wanted to share mine with you for the first step.

1 Limiting Beliefs About Money	2 Opposite of Those Beliefs
I haven’t earned it	Who Says?
I am meant to be poor	I am meant to be what I want
I am not lucky	I create my life

　
3. Other beliefs that keep me down, are that I am lazy, forgetful, and not as good as everyone else, the opposite of those things is that my attitude gives me energy, I remember everything I need to and I am just as awesome as I want to be. I get better everyday at trusting myself and the greater good that guides us all. I am so grateful to have been given the tools I need to create the life I deserve and desire. I am going to do everything in my power to be everything that I can and help as many people do the same as God will let me touch. Just the thought of it humbles me.

Thanks Reader for taking this ride with me,
Jammy

Resistance is futile.

     I woke up this morning so filled with peace I started laughing almost the second I woke up. Seriously one of the best waking up moments I have ever experienced. My wake ups are getting better with every one that occurs. My former experiences with the start of the day, with rare exceptions, have not been so pleasant. I used to wake up with fear, no, panic rising in my throat like bile. My body would tense up to the point of pain, tears would sting my eyes. My thoughts? They were simply desperate. NO, I don’t want to be awake! No I don’t want to be on this planet! I would ball up against those feelings with everything that I am. I would focus on making them leave me. The difference between then and now is so startlingly dramatic it takes my breath away to make the comparison. Since the day, almost three months ago, that I opened myself up and asked God/Source Energy/The Universe (your choice what you call it) to help me all that has come to me has been working toward this moment. The day after I made that cry my daughter told me to watch a movie. The next day I watched the movie The Secret, from there my journey has taken me so many places. Places I had no idea existed inside me, or anywhere else in this universe for that matter. Since I watched that movie for the first time, I have attracted many things into my life and one of the most important ones is The Sedona Method. If you have been reading my blog you know I have been working the method (link above!), I listened to cd 4 yesterday. It is all about letting go of your resistance. I am positive the way I feel today is a direct result of listening to that cd and the resistance I was able to let go of because of it. So Amazing how good this feels, I anticipate that I will feel even better as I continue to work this program, but right this second, its hard to imagine that I could possibly feel better than this.
    
     So like I mentioned above, cd #4 of the SM is all about that pesky little thing called resistance. The funniest thing I realized during the listening of this cd is the extent to which I was resistant to … I guess everything. Hale starts off by explaining that resistance is basically a glue and its holding all of your negative beliefs and feelings together, binding them into something much more intense. That the very act of resistance makes us much more controllable by any outside source. Its easy to seem like you are in fact the one in control when you aren’t. You can think by resisting your emotions you are controlling them when the actuality of the situation is that if you were in control you wouldn’t be working so damn hard. It is a lot of work to keep things buried. Its effortless to release.

     As I listened to Hale I realized that my constant worrying was in effect a resistance. That everything I worried about messing up I ended up screwing up in one way or another. Just the act of focusing on something with resistance takes your power and joy away from what you are doing, no matter what that might be. When we started to release on resistance he asked to focus inside about something that you are worried about or want to manifest. My very first thought is about money, and really this is for a couple of reasons. First because, well, I want some, and second because during this journey I have started to learn a bit about our financial system. Finding out that money is essentially fake makes it a tiny bit hard for me to wish for it, but the reality of life right now is that I am stuck in this system until we can make a change, so I need to get some money. So I focused inside and started to release. Now the interesting thing about the resistance releasing is that you come at it from both sides. Letting go of the resistance to having it as well as not having it, what ever that it is for you.


     What happened next was the most amazing evidence of this method working to bring about what you want it staggered me a little. Not long into my starting to release my neighbors began to be really noisy and I was having a hard time relaxing, one of my neighbors was having a sidewalk sale and so many people who live here in the complex were gathered around in the driveway of the apartments and out on the sidewalk. My first immediate reaction was to tense up and I thought, “Damn it just as I was getting started.” I kid you not, the second that thought (feeling) left me the noise outside burst into a cacophony. I sat there for a second, then all of a sudden it came to me. I thanked God for the opportunity to do something different and I just opened. I welcomed the irritation and desire to be in a quieter place I was feeling, then I just let it go. I looked at the other side for any resistance I had to it being more quiet and let that go too. Almost immediately upon finishing this release the group outside moved around to the front of the building and quieted. I don’t mean a little, I mean I could barely hear them at all. Blew me away.

     Hale was talking about how we cant forget to appreciate the progress we make no matter if it is a huge break thru or a tiny step, he said something that really got me, “There is a momentum to the way you have been living.” As soon as he said that I could picture (don’t ask me why) a train, that train is barreling toward these huge rubber bands extended between poles on either side of the tracks. Twenty of them to be exact, that’s how many cds there are imagine that. As the train begins to hit these bands it slows down, and when it reaches the last one the bands spring up launching it up into space as it transforms into a spaceship soaring higher and higher and higher. There are no limits.

Thank for riding Reader!
Jammy

I was nice to me today.

    I keep surprising myself this week, by the way I keep smiling for no reason, and by the things I am saying to myself, and not like you might think. I know if you have paid even the tiniest bit of attention to what I write here you know that my normal tone of voice with myself is less than… kind. This week though I have really noticed the tendency to do that fading and a new habit emerging. Earlier this week I recall I started to really slide back a bit in my thinking and I started to berate myself for it just a bit, my normal reaction. Then I all of a sudden I thought to myself, well that’s interesting and I just let it go. I sort of mentally patted myself on the head and said “Getting better at that aren’t ya girly.” I actually broke into laughter at the thought of speaking to myself that way. It was at once odd and familiar. Today I was making myself a salad and I was reflecting on my usual ways of thinking and how they are fading in me and I had a flash of panic like my brain was giving one last fighting try to get back to what it knows best, and I thought “That’s the old way baby doll.” Wait… what? Baby doll? Okay first I never call myself anything but my name or well unkind words like bitch. So the fact that I just used a term of endearment with myself, not to mention such an odd one, totally floored me. So much so that I burst out laughing at myself. I shook my head and finished making my lunch, but I am sure you can see what I mean here. These are things that wouldn’t have occurred in my life ever before I started this journey are becoming habits to me now. After the nearly year and a half of staggering depression I am finally coming out of (and I hope with these new tools am getting closer to being done with for good) these thoughts are the most breath taking glimpses of what is only just now being uncovered in me. I know I am beginning my life in a way that I had never anticipated could be possible.
     Today on Twitter a new follower of mine referred to what I am doing as work… Work! I was moved to tears that what I am doing was recognized as my work. I know I haven’t made a shit ton of money at it yet but it’s the most important thing I have ever done in my life. It is my work. I am so grateful to be doing it. I will admit that I haven’t been the most ambitious person in my work, or any other area of my life for that matter. I have worked hard no doubt but I was always complacent to do just what I needed to do to survive. No more. I didn’t aspire to anything, and if I dared to even look up from my place I chastised myself back down, out of fear mostly I think, you cant make a mistake if you don’t try now can you. Since I have begun to release I have started to understand that my work isn’t just what I get paid for. Its so much more and what I am doing here, this work this self discovery, this blog, the book I will make out of it. It feels more real to me than any burger I ever served or register I rang or phone I answered or customer I served. Maybe I will make a million dollars and maybe I will make a million people point and laugh, I don’t know, but I do know that it wont matter. I will make the most of what ever happens, and keep smiling for absolutely no reason.

Thanks for riding along,
Jammy

Still Exploring!

     I start this cold dreary day with those precise emotions inside me as well. Tears greet my eyes upon waking, and I know not why. I feel particularly broken today. God, please tell me I am not to broken to fix. Please.
     I very nearly erased those words when I came back to this page today, I decided not to. I was the truth when I wrote it. I took hours to shake that off me and finally release it, in fact its still lingering around a bit on the edges. Tiny wisps of feeling trying to curl their way back out from the nooks and crannies where it tries to hide from me when I am letting go of all that is inside me that isn’t me. Finally decided that I need to clear out my chakras and went to Tapping and used the chakra clearing tap and I feel a million times better.
     All of the above was on Sunday, I ended up not listening to the third cd because my next door neighbors had a party, and they weren’t outrageous or anything but it was right outside my window so I knew I wouldn’t be able to really settle into the cd or be able to release anything effectively so I just decided to screw around for the rest of the day. I did listen to the third SM cd today though and I am super glad I did. I feel much lighter now and feel like I am even more on the right track.
     So after some coffee and a chakra clearing tap I got started. The third cd is really got a lot of releasing going on and so what I am going to do is just quickly touch on what I felt as I released each of the emotions in the chart of emotions, and I will explain what that is now. At the beginning of the cd Hale does a visual for the class and it is in the workbook too for folk like myself that are doing this work from the cds. The visual is nothing more than a plain white sheet of paper with a tiny dot in the center. And he explains that paper is our selves and the dot is the problems we perceive ourselves to have, and the reason that they seem so out of proportion to everything else going on around us is that we are all pressed up against the dot and that is all we can see. That really made a lot of sense to me. Its impossible to really see anything but a small view of yourself and your life and your problems if you are so focused on the problem and you cant let it go. Its kind of like when (ladies you will know what I mean here) you get that magnifying mirror out and start looking at your pores. You cant see how beautiful your skin is because all you can see is how big your pores are. So when your problems seem so huge its completely impossible to really appreciate that you have not only options but that you are beautiful, whole and complete.
      The chart of emotions are really just what are on the surface of that dot in the middle of the paper and when you zoom in on the dot you can see they are only floating on the surface of a bubble. That visual was very powerful for me, I could see them as something separate and alien to me. Something I can experience, but that I totally control how long they can stay or how intense they can become. As Hale finished talking about the paper and the dot and we got ready to do the first release I nearly started to panic and I had to pause the cd and just breath deep and release a bit before I could continue. It seemed to me like I was really scared to let go of my old way of thinking. My silly brain is seriously trying to stay in the rut that has been created there. Once I got myself under control again I restarted the cd…
     The first emotion on the chart was Apathy. For me apathy really boiled down to the feeling that I don’t matter. I have struggled with that for, well my whole life. I have had that feeling reinforced in me repeatedly and has been something I have fought very much to be rid of to push down inside me. Of course I know now that that will never work and only by getting rid of it completely will I be able to feel that I do indeed matter. I have created in my life situations that reinforce that feeling of not mattering over and over. I constantly invite people into my life and then shower them with the love that I should be giving myself hoping they will love me and make me complete.
     Next on the list is Grief, when we welcomed this at the beginning of the release I really felt scared and lonely, and extremely stupid. I wasn’t sure where that was coming from but it didn’t matter I just allowed it in and then let it go. I was starting to feel lighter already with only these two emotions released.
The next emotion to release was Fear and that one for me is a doozey, I have a panic anxiety disorder and have lived many of the last years of my life in a constant state of terror. Terrified that I would make a mistake, that I would or wouldn’t do this thing or that thing. That “something” might happen. And there were so many times that I was afraid for what could be no apparent reason except that I was alive. Its exhausting to be scared all the time. As we started to welcome fear in it felt like such a familiar place to be, it was almost hard to release it when the time came, but release it I did, and that feeling of lightness was nearly like being drunk, the heady fragrance of the lack of it strong in my nose. It felt amazing. It was hard to release that overwhelming sensation but I listened to Hale and let that intoxicating feeling of freedom go too.
     Next up on the list is Lust. Lust is interesting because it has dual connotations for me first it has that feeling of want of strong desire of I cant wait! I feel that a lot, which is counter productive to The Secret Teachings, and SM. Also for me though is the sense that lust is somehow not just the wanting but the sinfulness of wanting. That somehow lust is something that diminishes me as a person or my importance somehow. That to want is to not appreciate what I have or who I am. Conversely its like I think I am something special and who am I to think that? I know that all of this is ridiculous I mean really does it make me less good or important that I breath or need food or want to have a warm place to sleep? Does it serve anyone at all for me to be less than I am or want less than I need to enrich not only my body but my mind and that which is not body or mind but is me? I think it does not. So I welcomed all of those conflicting thoughts and emotions in. I let them swirl inside me and well up, I let them be. When the time came to let all of that go I happily did so. That feeling of lightness is growing.
     Okay next up on the list/bubble, is Anger, yeah no problem finding that emotion. I defiantly have some anger. I could sit here and list to you all the reasons I am angry but really that is just trying to figure it out, make it important and just like our good buddy Hale says the only reason to figure out a problem is if you are planning on having it again. Seriously I couldn’t be more ready to get rid of this emotion in me. Welcoming it in was pretty easy but really so was releasing it. I have harbored it far too long. I know I have more work to do to get it gone from me entirely, but that’s okay I can do it.
     Now we get to pride. This one took me by surprise. When we started to welcome pride in at first I thought I really am not that proud of anything, then all of a sudden it hit me, maybe not but you sure are a self satisfied haughty holier than thou bitch! Actually these feelings came over me with a crash like a tidal wave. They hit me so hard I literally got sick to my stomach and felt like I was going to pass out. I had to actually get on my bed and lay down to finish welcoming and releasing the emotions of it. It really scared me that I was that person. I never ever want to feel that way again. When I finally was able to let go of all of that and get back up I was dizzy and shaky. I had to pause the cd and welcome and release those feelings several more times before I could move forward with the next emotion. I wonder if Hale has ever had anyone in a seminar have such a strong physical reaction to a release? Hale you reading this??? =D
     Which is courage. Courageousness was hard to find in me. Its been a really long time since I felt it. Once I did it was even more difficult to let go of. Hale said that it was hard for some people to let go of courage acceptance and the last which is peace, but that it was important to get past everything so that you can get to yourself. So I let it go and prepared myself for the next emotion on the list Acceptance. Acceptance is something I am only just now starting to do for myself so as you can imagine it was really hard for me to let this go.
     And lastly is peace. Peace is something I have rarely glimpsed in my life. I am not familiar with it at all. It was difficult to recognize. And frankly I am not at all sure I even reached it. I actually want to do the cd over but I know that I am not supposed to and since I already have I wont do it twice.
     Just the act of writing this has brought it all back up in me and it has taking some time cause I ended up having to release quite a bit of it over again. So as you can imagine I am a tad tired. I think that I will leave the post here for now Reader and let you read this while I marinate on what the next post should be. I am going to keep going over the notes I made when I listened and read the work book again before I do cd 4 (tomorrow?). So I may post about it again before 4 but who knows Reader, who knows.
Until then Reader keep exploring yourself, and thanks for riding along,

Jammy

Random Thoughts

     I started off yesterday with the thought that I don’t have to feel bad about myself today, then I started thinking about the things I had done the day before and ticked each one off as the reasons why I could feel good about myself. I got in a few then I realized what I was doing, and stopped and I remembered I don’t need to beat myself up today or any day. It’s the beating myself up that is keeping all of this going inside me, it is part of the cycle I am trying to break. I am me, that is good enough. And sure, sure I have reasons I could feel bad about myself, who doesn’t, but hating myself for not living up to some unreasonable standard that I had no hand in creating is getting me no where, and in fact is destroying any chance I have of living up to my own needs, my own potential, or even setting any type of reasonable standard for myself. I have rarely extended myself the same courtesy I extend to others, I have always been quicker to forgive anyone but me. Changing this is a constant process, its becoming much more habitual everyday.
     Started to listen to cd three yesterday morning after I did my morning routine… as soon as I realized it was the chart of emotions cd I thought to myself, “Oh shit this is the hard one.” Then I just stopped. I was like why am I putting that label on this? I never did start the cd though. I kept finding things that just had to be done before I could sit down and start that. As I wrote that I realize that it is just my brain fighting to keep thinking in the same ways its used to. I am listing to CeeLo Green right now and he is singing a song called No One’s Gonna Love You (like I do), and all of a sudden I just flipped it and started to sing that to myself. It made me start to laugh out loud. It felt really good. I think it’s the day to listen to that cd.
     Since my first cry out to the universe/God/source energy nearly three months ago, when the movie The Secret first came into my life and started me on this journey that is bringing me all of these new ideas and new ways of thinking , my joy in myself, and my hope for mankind, for all of us, has grown and magnified and blossomed in ways that I could have never anticipated. I am so fortunate that in that moment of despair I was able to some how to come up with the right question, the right expression, that I was able to cry out what I needed and be heard. I am even more fortunate that I was open to the answer when it started to flow to me. My gratitude grows daily, my gratitude for this journey, for myself, and for you Reader. More than you can know sharing this experience with you feels like the most important thing I have ever done. I feel humbled to imagine that you would want to share this road with me. Thank you for coming along. I know this post is on the short side, but I really wanted to get these thoughts out and make them separate from the post I will be writing while/after I listen to SM cd 3.
Thanks again Reader for taking this walk with me.  J

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The List and I love you.

     A few blogs ago I told you about a call I received from a lovely gentleman named Arash, who is a life coach with Bob Proctor. I am still working with the exercises he gave me. One of the things he said to do was to tell myself I love you, every day for 90 days. I have sat here for ten minutes trying to think of words that describe to you how incredibly foreign and strange the words I love you felt coming out of my mouth while I stood in my bathroom looking at me in the mirror. I love so many people. I offer my affection freely to those I love and for a few I offer my complete self as much as I am able. Me, I have been less that kind to me. I keep missing days, I keep avoiding mirrors. I am going to stop doing that today. The other thing that Arash had me do was make two lists 20 items long each. The first one is all the things about me that irritate or upset me about myself. Basically the hate list. The other is the Grateful for, Love List. The first list I am supposed to burn so I can be rid of it. The second one I am supposed to keep with me and look at daily. I am not going to publish the burn list, for obvious reasons, I am going to bring to you now the love list, and I am going to resist the urge to ask your opinion on it. Its not your list. Its mine so I need to be a honey badger about it. The funny thing about this process is that I absolutely expected to be finished with the hate list long before the love list, but I am not. I still need three more things. That makes me smile.
　
THE LIST
1. Nice
2. Funny
3. My way with words
4. Very Considerate
5. Smart
6. Open Minded
7. Loyal
8. Kind
9. Strong
10. Determination
11. That I like to sing
12. Good Dancer
13. Loving
14. Honest
15. My laugh
16. Nice Rack (I know I know but it really is)
17. Curious
18. My Journey
19 Caring
20. That I am trying.
　
Again I am having to resist the urge to write the words How do you like it reader… and all though I did just do that, the fact that I don’t actually mean the question does make it a bit easier to put it down and accept it for what it is. Just a learned behavior, looking to someone else to tell me how to feel about me. I have another blog coming I am working on it now, but I thought this should be by its self.
Cya Soon Reader, J

Trip, Stumble, Fall... hard

For along time my sense of self worth has been tied into my importance to others, I would imagine that has become evident if you have read my past blogs. I am working on changing that, but it becomes increasingly clear that I do indeed still have some work to do there. Being incredibly stupid… not helping. I place far too much importance on relationships with people who are unable or unwilling to return the favor. I know this. I am not sure how this works though, as I gain more and more love and respect for myself, how will I interact with the people in my life that I have attracted to me that while I do love, I have obviously taught to treat me with disregard and a general lack of consideration? Arash the life coach I spoke with told me that I need to not worry about it because its not my business, they will respect my journey or not and its not for me to worry about, and I suppose to a certain extent that is true, it’s a scary thought. I try to be really open with my friends, the people I choose for my family, I don’t want to but I think I really have to just maybe stop doing that so much. At least until I am able to really get myself in a good place where I am healed and stronger. Where my love for myself is a cushion between me and the insensitivities of people who love (?) me, and trust that as I treat myself better I will attract people to me that will also treat me with kindness and respect. Some times its hard to understand where such inconsideration could come from when its so alien a thing from what you yourself are. I know the fact that I even wish for love from outside of myself means I am still on a road to finding myself and what I need me to be for me. I am trying so hard to release this need for outside sources of acceptance and love. I am, but damn is a little support really so much to ask for? And I feel so stupid for wishing that the ones I loved understood how much I love them, how much I needed them right now in this journey I am undertaking, or needed me in their lives as much as I need them to be in mine. I get so used to that connection and I wish I didn’t. It hurts a lot when you become aware that you aren’t as essential to someone(s) as they are to you. I will find a way to release the importance of that in my life somehow. I suppose even if its only for self preservation, but really I don’t want to stop loving people as much as I do I would prefer to love me just as much. How do you manage to love people and it not be too much? Maybe what I am supposed to do is just love myself and forsake all the rest for now, I cant imagine even trusting myself to choose a mate, when I am still choosing friends who can’t refrain from treating me like some park trick. I am going to get this right I know that I will but the process is ongoing and I am so tired of being less than, and knowing that I am the one that did it to myself, it certainly doesn’t make any of this easier to accept. Damn it I am so fucking mad at me right now!

     I am starting to read the Sedona Method stuff tonight so I will be blogging on that in the next day or two.
J

Love, Guilt and LoA

     So last post I was having a pretty good fight with a friend and I want to touch on that quickly to say we have worked it out, he and I spoke and decided to not fight again and really I don’t think we will but mostly because I am just not going to put myself back in the position to be hurt again. I have this irritating tendency to just freely allow myself to love people and when I do I love them the whole way. I don’t skimp out on it. But that can lead to bruised feelings, when it becomes apparent that you are not actually loved in the same way. I want very much to love freely and it not be too much but I just haven’t reached that level of enlightenment yet. When I am faced with the bitter truth that I am not as important to someone as they are to me, it hurts. Ah well I am still learning after all, I will figure it out, but how do I keep loving freely with out destroying who I am? If I am supposed to love everyone as I love myself. Where does the love for me come in? When do I deserve that? Well like I said I am still learning. I guess that I need the love of others means I am not quite good enough at all of this yet. Damn it! Its really hard. Do I learn to just live with less love then I give or do I stop loving period? Do I look for more loving people and just stop offering my love to the people who don’t value me? Crap! I know that the love I am not getting from those around me is love that I am not giving myself. I know that. Its just really hard to start loving myself. I don’t know where to find it sometimes. Then other times it feels so real and easy to access. I don’t want to feel like I don’t matter, and all too often that is exactly how I do feel, and knowing that that comes from me is difficult to deal with. As I tap my emotions are getting easier to understand but my need for love isn’t any lessened. I am able to play with my emotions like I never have before and yet I cant seem to break off a piece of the love.

     It really is crazy miraculous for me how just when I need it the universe thru the LoA sends me exactly what I need to keep going. I have really been asking how I have managed to use the LoA to receive all of this amazing information but I still cant manage to attract to myself that which I need to improve my situation. Today I got a really awesome answer to that question from my good buddy and Secret teacher Bob Proctor. I really love that guy. I would totally marry him. So let me lay it out for you. I had gotten these videos from Bob awhile back and somehow I accidentally deleted them and didn’t realize till it was too late, and I kept meaning to go back to the site and try to find them, but I got busy with some things and so I never did. Well going thru email the other day I found one from Bob and so I decided to go to the site and rather than just look for them I would use my gmail addy and have him send them again and thankfully he did. I just got done watching them and once again I get an answer I am looking for. Bob explained to me a bit about how you get your paradigm and how you can reprogram it. Its crazy how this shit just works. I ask and I get. It doesn’t matter what it is. Mostly it has been a flood of information, starting with the movie The Secret and ending, well never I guess, but not only that, like with the stuff from the state of California wasn’t supposed to come for another month. I just kept saying over and over I need it now I need it now I need it now. It came Saturday. Now as for Bob’s message. It was so on target to what I asked the universe for like three days before. I struggle with feelings of guilt that are way out of proportion to anything I have ever done to anyone, I haven’t really been a malicious person in my life, I have of course made mistakes and I know I have hurt peoples feelings but not usually on purpose, I am not abusive to people I try to be loving and accepting as much as possible. Yet I constantly feel guilty about even the tiniest things or even for caring about myself in even the smallest ways, and I just figured out why, with the help of Bob. He explains in these videos that I watched how before you are born and after you have only your subconscious brain and your conscious brain develops thought as you grow, your subconscious brain is absorbing your surroundings and using that to tell you how to feel about yourself and your world. When I was born my mother and father were not married because my mother had just abandoned her other family (husband and five kids) then proceeded to have another family with my dad. I can only imagine how guilty she must have felt about that. So then if what Bob is saying is true, all of that guilt she felt went directly into my brain and taught me to be guilty. This is pretty much the same things I saw that those doctors and scientists say on the zeitgeist films talk about, how our environment in large determines who and what we are how we feel and what we think and even if we are sick or fat or nice or mean. How you can have a predisposition to something but your environment can turn it on in you. Its scary how much you pick for your kids who they are and you don’t even know it. He kindly explained how to help change your paradigm too. I would highly recommend going to his site and signing up for his newsletters and videos, he has a lot of great information to share.

I am gonna leave it there for now Reader. I have a few more things to say but I cant gather my thoughts about them and so I will post this and be back with you soon.  J