As best you can

     So Reader, I decided to just take the bull by the horns and start over with SM from disc one, and page one in the book. I know that Hale said not to do that, but I am going to assume he meant that based on the assumption that I did indeed listen fully and do the workbook exercises. I didn’t give it the full attention that I should have and therefore I want to go back and do that now. I know from the movie that the releasing is only part of it, and I have gotten better at opening and allowing my emotions to go thru me, but a couple of the cds are really specific and touch on things that I think we all struggle with in our lives I know I do, so I really want to make sure I have done the work before I move on. I am reading the beginning parts of the workbook now that you read prior to starting to listen to the first cd. I love this one part in the book where is says they suggest that you don’t just believe anything that they say in the book, cds or program in general. They want you to only remain open to discovery so you can prove or disprove the validity of the program yourself. Reading that and hearing him say it on the cd, was really freeing for me. I love that its here for me to experience and if I put the effort into it that I should the proof will be in the putting.
    
     The first cd really is of course designed to familiarize you with the method the original creator of it Mr. Lester Levenson, and to introduce you to the four ways of letting go. First, Drop it. Yep just drop it baby. Two, welcome it just let it be in the moment, third is to dive into the core of it I love the diving into the core one. I can really picture doing that in my mind. And four holistic releasing which is just to really examine any emotion/problem from all sides and to accept the opposites to it and let them both go.

     When you are releasing Hale calls that processes and so the first process he has you do in the cd is really not about your emotions at all but about showing you that they are indeed not part of you. He does this by asking you to pick up an object in your hand. A pen a coin a pebble. Just something you wont mind letting go of. Hold that tightly in your hand. Feel in there. If you hold it tight enough it starts to feel at first uncomfortable but then familiar. Like your emotions. Now open your hand and let the object roll around in your hand. Is that attached to you? Is it part of you? Of course not, and neither are your emotions. Now hold the object out in front of you and grip it again. Turn your hand over and … Drop It! That is releasing in a nutshell. When you do this with a problem or an emotion it’s the process of letting it go and so you begin be just allowing or welcoming, as best you can, and then you ask yourself the releasing questions.

Could you (I) let it go?    This only means are you able to, and as Hale says if you could drop the pen you are able
Would you (I) let it go    This means are you willing to? And really does it feel good not to?
When?                           Simply an invitation to allow yourself to do it now

     Now for the first two questions the only real answers are yes and no, but the last one a lot of times you are want to put conditions on which he goes over and that’s okay. You are really just opening and by doing so you are letting in your need or desire to control the situation by attaching conditions. Welcome and release that too and see if the when answer changes. If your answers to the first two are no you probably aren’t being completely honest with yourself and need to do some more welcoming of wanting to control it. That’s my struggle a bit to. I want to control how everything works and part of that is to want answers that I cant have so by asking for those answers I can justify waiting
     On the first process that he did with us (us? Lol I feel like I am in the live class listening to the cds so if I say us you will know I mean the class) I pictured myself diving into the core of the emotions/problem as he asked when. As I pictured letting go I could picture me diving into that emotion and dissipating it with the force the rings that radiated out from my point of entry. It was really pretty powerful imagery. The thing I chose to focus on was my self hatred. There is a pretty big pool of that so it seemed like a safe dive, but just like Hale explains in the workbook any emotion you are feeling is no deeper than the surface of a bubble. Touch it and it bursts. That is not to say that one releasing has left me over flowing with self love but I am feeling lighter and more accepting of myself in this moment, and it feels good. Hale wants us to release that too, I admit to reluctance. I don’t feel good about myself often and letting it go is a bit counter intuitive. However if I am going to explore this process fully I must listen and let go.
     I have more thoughts flowing thru my head right now but I cant really get them to settle. I think I will be at least going thru the second cd today so I may even post again later but I think I need to leave it here for now Reader.
Thanks for riding along
J

     Before I finish completely I wanted to say that I have been wanting very much to talk about the drama last week, I have really been stopping myself. Releasing on it constantly has helped with that. The main reasons I dont is that the person(s) I am avoiding has suddenly begun to read this blog and they frankly have had enough fun at my expense, and secondly cause alot of my friends who are indirectly involved read this blog as well and not only do I  not want them to think I am whining or using my blog to ask for attention or support, or to get them to choose (me) my side. Anything I say now just feels like a big ole Be My Friend banner over my head. Thats kinda what got me in this mess in the first place now isnt it? I am thinking self hate was a great place to start over on SM

Cya soon. J