Scattered Thoughts.

     I started the fifth and sixth CDs of SM a couple of days ago. At the beginning Hale says to remember to be easy on yourself that you have a lifetime of practice at suppression and expression, and boy do I! The over all feeling of the two discs was control, whether controlling or wanting to be controlled, and approval and disapproval. I definitely have some work to do in both of those areas. I like how the method really attacks everything from both sides. If you want control then how do you want to be controlled in the situation? If you are looking for approval how are you looking for disapproval as well? And maybe not every issue has a two side thing but really if you think about it most probably do. I really started to think about this thing I have been going thru this last week that I haven’t really explained. I am not going to exactly but I will say that I have the feelings that are definitely feelings going both ways for me. I really wish someone would just tell me what to do and then make me do it. That is not likely to happen and even if someone tried it would I really listen? Or would I just try to protect the feelings I have, protect my way of doing things? I really don’t think I listened as much as I should have. I am preoccupied. These two CDs deserve more than this small paragraph, I know. I am having a hard time focusing on them though I think partially because they are very close to what I need to be working on the most and part of me is resisting that. I really used these two CDs to help me start to understand what it is about me that created my situation this week. That is the only way for me to not create it again. I think I need to give these two CDs more attention.
     When I was a kid the way that I would study things… almost anything in fact was to read about it then write down what I had learned over and over and over again till I had remembered it. It was very effective for me at the time. It came to me the other day when I was trying to come up with a mantra about money, and thinking about the I love you exercise given to me by Arash, that I needed a way to make it seem more meaningful to me than just saying it over and over. I remember thinking why am I not studying this? If it worked for me when I was learning my way thru the school as a child why can it not work for me now? Since then I have been writing my mantras down repeatedly all day as often as I am able, and I sing them in the car. The one I am using about money right now is actually a combo of two things I heard in the movie The Secret. Bob Proctor said you might want to write down what you are grateful for and you might begin by saying I am so happy and grateful now that, I love the way that sounds and feels when I say it so I use that. I also remember Laura Langemeier say in the movie that she changed the way she thought about money from you have to work hard for money, to money comes easily and frequently. I like that too. So what I did was make my own version of that. I have to do something to change my attitude toward money so what I write down everyday as many times as I am able is this: I am so happy and grateful now that I receive money easily and frequently thru multiple sources. Since I am having a hard time with it I have also started writing every day as well: I love you Jammy. I would imagine that if the recycling guy took the time to look at all these closely written pages he would think I am nuts. I also read something recently from Magnus at tapping.com. He said, “Right now, I think the most important mission for spiritual people is to move the control of the money on the planet, from the 'darkness' into the 'light'.” When I read that it was very powerful for me, it really made me see my relationship with money in a new way. Why if I did something that made me a lot of money would that necessarily mean that I would have to be a bad person who takes advantage of others? It would not. I have to remember that, or maybe learn it would be more accurate. Magnus sent me a letter today (not just me lol) and it was about a money tap he made for us if you would like to use it to help attract more money in your life or to change your attitude toward money just let me know I will forward you the email or post the tap here in the comments. Let me know. Also his website. Go there. Lots of amazing videos to help get you started on tapping.
     I keep thinking that I need to just stop where I am in SM and start at the beginning again, Hale says over and over not to do that. H says that you just need to experience it all first then go back and focus where you need to. Not to get bogged down in one particular part, but I haven’t just sat here and done every exercise and opened the workbook and really done it the way it should be done. Not to discount that I have been very present during the listening and have done many of the exercises and am working on them actively every day, but I feel like maybe I haven’t given it (myself) the attention it deserved. Maybe? And is it really myself I am not paying attention to. Is it myself trying desperately to cling to my old ways of being?This blog entry seems very scattered to me, I cant seem to get my thoughts sorted out. I am stopping now. I will think about how I am going to proceed in SM today and then either move on or start over, but either way I will be writing about it, so check back Reader.

XOXO Jammy