I play world of warcraft, I had to stop playing and leave my guild the other day.
I know that my friends don’t understand why it was necessary for me to back off from the group that we all belong to, and I do wish that I was able to explain it to them, but for myself and for the good of the group whether I am in it or not, I wont talk about it. That is something that is really difficult for me as I am in a lot of pain right now. I need my friends support so much, and because I cant allow this to tear the group apart I can’t talk about it. I am sure I have been cast in the role of the bad guy, the unreasonable one, and I will gladly accept that if it means that the family I helped to created stays strong. I am lost and lonely without them. I miss them so much. I wish that I could just pretend that I have not been made to feel like a complete idiot by what amounts to a couple of kids but I can not, and so I have to just step back. I am beyond hurt and embarrassed by what happened and I can not share this with anyone. I cant control the story they will tell but I can keep my own council, I only regret that it requires me to lose that which I hold dear.
I know they (my guild members) are mad at me, and I think a couple of them have decided to stop being my friend and I guess that is something I will have to live with. I did what I had to do for myself, I wish I was able to explain it better but I am not, I had hoped that my worth as a friend wasn’t predicated on my being in, or the work I did for the guild, or playing the game that brought us together, and for a few I think that may be true but only time will tell and I will have to accept what happens because I can not, will not, allow myself to be used the way I was for what can only be personal enjoyment again no matter who it’s for. I am going to get past this. I am using the SM (Sedona method) constantly to release my feelings about it. It has made it easier but its still hurts.
I was working on a blog post when this happened and I am still but its hit a snag. I will get one up in the next day or two Reader I promise.
Thanks for sticking with me Reader it means a lot to me. J
This is about you growing you. It is about you becoming more yourself. It is about you opening yourself up and receiving the Largess of the Kingdom… The Largess of the realm of ever expanding good otherwise know as Heaven… And having all of your needs met. ~ Micheal Beckwith
2 comments:
Let me pose a similar situation purely hypothetically. I just came home to find a childhood/family friend in bed with my wife. I choose not to talk to my family about this because they are all also friends with this person. I instead internalize and sever all ties with them offering no reason why. I suffer greatly from this emotionally destroyed and turn to a "method" that requires the support of friends and family which I no longer am in contact with. I instead take this pain and fight it daily for a long time alone and say its for the good of said family. Now I ask you, does that make sense to you?
Exxon, I want to thank you for talking with me. I appreciate your friendship and understanding more than you can imgaine. J
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